Experiencing technical difficulties ...

Well, not technical difficulties, technically. More like spiritual difficulties. Or maybe it's just authorial difficulties. Whatever it is, I haven't been particularly inspired of late. As you can tell.

Although I will tell you I have not been a Very Good Girl lately. I slandered my husband all over my Facebook page (no, I will not be your friend if I don't already know you). I had the world's worst attitude about helping with VBS. I have been a control freak, a Diva Princess, an Emo Queen, a spoiled brat, a judgmental snot ... oh, and I was sick for a couple of weeks, too.

*SIGH* I really do wonder sometimes how God puts up with me, why He doesn't just point His finger at me and go "poof! you're outta here!" and fry me like a fly in a magnifying glass-focused sunbeam.

Then I'll be listening to the Christian stuff on my MP3 player and come across this one by the Newsboys:

"Great is Your faithfulness to carry on with a sinner like me;
Oh, and great is Your faithfulness, turning shame into victory.
Your grace has never let me be,
Your mercy's waiting patiently.
Oh, so great is Your faithfulness to carry on with a sinner like me ..."

Yeah. Amen, brothers. Amen, and amen again.

Bruised reeds and smoldering wicks

I'm going to post this "old" writing of mine from 2006, not so much because I'm feeling better about life, but because I need to be reminded that He does listen, I do hear, and I'm not always wandering in the desert refusing to be comforted!

This was from January 17, 2006 in my deliberatePeople Bible-reading journal:

Standout verse:Genesis 35:3b
This verse really stands out to me in my readings today, Abba. "...God, who answered me in the day of my distress and who has been with me wherever I have gone." Yes this is You, my God! You are so good and faithful to always be with me and to always answer me when I cry out in distress -- even if the distress is self-inflicted. You come to me, wrap Your strong, beautiful arms around me and remind me of Your love for me, and then, if I need it (and I often do), You gently, lovingly show me what I need to do to get back on track. How I love You for that! How I love and appreciate You for always being with me!

Matthew 12:20 -- I have always loved this verse about You, Jesus, and it goes along perfectly with what I just wrote: "A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out." I am so thankful for Your tender mercies, for the way that You are so gentle with us when we're suffering, when we're struggling! You don't take us when we're down and crack us over Your knee. You tenderly bind us up and strengthen us. And when "this little light of mine" is just barely there, merely a hint of blue on the wick, You don't get frustrated with us and blow us out completely, but rather You cup Your hands around us and blow Your breath gently on us until the flame is fanned up and burning brightly again. How precious and loving You are! Oh, breathe on me, breathe O breath of God! Breathe on me 'til my heart is new! Take my heart and cleanse every part of it, Holy Spirit! Fill me up again and purify me!

I am a very bruised reed right now, Abba. A very, very dimly burning flame. Please help me stop seeing you so darkly. Please help me see you as I did then, as loving and gentle. Oh, Abba, bind me up, blow the breath of your loving Spirit over me until I can stand again. And, oh, forgive my hurting, accusing heart!